Unbelievable... It will be one week tomorrow since my husband had "sudden death"

Thank you for sharing your experience. We are happy to know your husband survived, but sorry to hear things are still so challenging. We invite other spouses of survivors to offer their insights.

Hi, Donna... I read your post and it took me back to when I was where you are right now. I am so happy your husband is an SCA survivor... and you are too. It has been three year's since my husband's SCA (2/27/12), and we both are so grateful. It is a journey with so much to process in these early days especially...

It is hard for anyone to understand what you are going through... so grateful yet so many other feelings as well. I remember thinking... I am so lucky, why do I feel so sad... so scared... and so unclear? That is normal... And, I agree the nights were the toughest... I was afraid to sleep and watched him breathe. It was Dr. Samuel Sears (you can google him... great literature on this site, too) who explained that what happened to us upset our core sense of security, and it will just take a little time and effort to regain that...

Here's what I did to help me through our journey... I hope it will be helpful...

First, I went to my doctor and got myself checked out. What you are going through takes its toll on your own well-being. My doctor was so kind and took care of me. We as caregivers are so focused on our husbands/families, that we are sometimes that last in line to take care of ourselves. In my case, I needed some medication to help me deal with the post traumatic stress...I was also my husband's lay rescuer. And, I have talked with other spouses over the years and we sometimes get stuck in a loop of "what ifs." That will eventually pass as you move through this.

Next, I accepted help from friends, family and neighbors. They helped take care of me so that I could take care of my husband. We'd all like to think it is like the movies and a victim is resuscitated and better instantly, but it is anything but. I remember that after his release home, days would go by and Rick would not want to talk or engage in anything. I was beside myself with fear that he was always going to be this way. But, in time, he gained strength and began to be himself again. I learned later after he processed what had happened to him, that he really felt disconnected and in a bubble. He would hear me tell the story and he felt like I was talking about someone else. He lost 10 days of his memory, so he questioned so many things. Depression is very normal and that is why heart patients may also need medication.

It was Cardiac Rehab that really helped Rick come out of that shell. And for us both it solidified a heart healthy program to speed healing of mind, body and spirit. It was a safe place for him to exercise, which made us both feel better. And, it was something that he had within his control. He had to wait a month to get into rehab, but once he did, he was so focused. He always recommends to other survivors to take action and get involved in your healthcare. It really was as much a mental boost as anything. His life had forever changed in a heartbeat, so cardiac rehab and all the people he met there were so inspiring. And, Rick inspired others there, too. So, it gave him purpose.

Later, I think what helped us the most, was getting involved in this cause a little at a time. We started first about 4 months into Rick's recovery by going to thank the EMS team for saving his life. And, after that we did the same with his doctors, nurses, caregivers at the hospital. We acted on our desire to give back to our community to advance CPR training and accessible AEDs. For us, that is not only therapeutic but also has helped to save more lives. I like to say that it doesn't stop with the "chain of survival" but rather it is a "circle of recovery" and giving back is part of it for us.

Other spouses told me that it was about a year before they felt at ease. And, that was true for me as well. But, looking back, I will share this... While I hate that this happened to us, this experience has brought many, many blessings to our lives that I never realized could be in our path. I can never look at life quite the same way again. And, I live in gratitude every day.

It was SCAF that introduced Rick and me to our new family of SCA Survivors and their families. You have come to the right place, Donna... Consider all of us as extended family. None of us can know exactly what you or your husband are feeling, but what we do know is that we are all survivors and we all can lean on each other. Day by day, things will get better, Donna. And, there may be set backs along the way, too... But I am here to share with you three years out that life is so very good. My journey continues! And, you, too, can get through this!

With all my best to you and your husband,
jen

PS... Please reach out any time... I'm here for you if I can help!

Thank you, Jen, for sharing your insights and providing support.

Wow. This continues to be surreal. I read your kind and informative response last night at exactly one week. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you!

These just so much going on in my head that I will just offer a quick update...rehab starts on May 18, he had his first visit to the nutritionist today, he is back to his work blackberry but it gives him alittle control so I'm not too concerned, counseling starts Friday. A couple of my friends brought over dinner. I actually fell asleep at 7pm for four hours tonight. He still can't lie down on the bed due to fractured ribs so he sits in the LazyBoy.

By the way, Orlando is one of our favorite places to play. We were just there before Easter. Rob loves baseball spring training in Florida. I love the Millennia Mall. I always comment that there is good reason the sign on I-4 says "Millennia Mall
The Holy Land".

Thanks again, Jen.

Donna

we are animal lovers, too.

Hi, Donna!
So glad to hear that my note was of some help. You are not alone... remember that!

Yay! So glad that you were able to sleep for that much-needed nap. That is huge progress for you!

If Rob is back on his Blackberry, that is certainly a great sign! And, it's terrific that you have already seen a nutritionist. Rick loves to cook, so it was a great activity for him during his recovery to figure out new heart healthy ways to transform his previous diet. He has taken great responsibility for his nutrition, and it shows in his bloodwork! Counseling is great! It was tremendously helpful to me.... I wish I had started it sooner than I did.

I almost forgot about the ribs! Yes, the ribs were the most physically painful part of this for Rick, too! And, sometimes it was scary when his chest hurt from the broken ribs. It will take many weeks for those to heal. I'm thinking cardiac rehab will help that as well.

Since your are in the Carolina area, below is a link to Samuel Sears. While much of his published work is tied to ICD's, whether your husband has one or not (Rick does not), I found Dr. Sear's information quite helpful... there is so much science around how we feel psychologically. Giving ourselves permission to feel is so important in working through it.
https://www.ecu.edu/cs-cas/psyc/searss/

So glad you like Orlando and the Mil Mall! We must make plans to meet up when you come back this way! I believe that all four of us are about the same age, so it would be great fun to meet someday... I love to shop, too!

Let's check in with each other from time to time! I am very happy to be your "heart buddy" and am here for you.

With best wishes to you, Rob and your furbabies!
jen

Dear Heart Buddy Jen-

Thanks for the nice letter.

I will definitely follow up Dr. Sears info. Thanks for the link.

I'll check in again when he starts cardiac rehab. And, I may need some guidance in making my community aware of AED's when Rob is healthier.

By the way, I noticed that one of our local tennis clubs will not register any more USTA teams until 'safety precautions are completed". I wonder if Rob's incident had anything to do with that abrupt decision. I am already on our club to obtain an AED immediately. Rob was so fortunate that we were playing an 'away' tennis match at Family Circle tennis center last Monday night.

Enough for now. I must rest.

God bless you for reaching out to me. Hope you and Rick have a fun- filled weekend.

Donna

I've been watching this awesome cnversation. What a wonderful place where people who are new to the "scary space" can talk with the folks who were there before.

I run a public charity. Every year we run an AED group purchase program. We are advocates of AEDs in the home. See http://www.slicc.org/AED_deal/ - we don't profit from this.

Best

Bob

Hi Donna and Jen, It's great to see this interaction. Donna, we hope your husband is feeling better every day and you are able to catch up on rest. Since you mentioned AEDs, we have a program that may be of interest. The AED Readiness Project provides recertified devices for $450 each, and part of this amount is a donation to the SCA Foundation. For more information, click here.

Best wishes!

Mary Newman